Yesterday was a rough day for me as a mom. A big mom-guilt day. Any day you have to bring your child to the E.R. for an injury is always going to be a big mom-guilt day. The injury my son had was one of the most common injuries for his age, but no matter how common an injury is, it does not mean you feel less guilty.
The morning started off great. We got the family dressed and to church five minutes early, which is perfect for us and our very active boy. We always let him run in the entry hallway before Mass starts so he can get some energy out. He was his happy self running back and forth in his hallway. I noticed that the pews were filling up fairly fast so I told my husband I would go grab us a seat while our little guy ran some more. This is the moment I wish in my heart I could go back and redo all over. Apparently my son noticed I left without him. He then got very upset because he wanted me and yet he still wanted to run in the hallway. My husband said after a minute of him cryong because I disappeared on him he told him they would go find me, but he needed to hold daddy's hand. My husband took his hand and next thing he knows our son threw himself down on tge floor while still holding onto his dad's hand. That action ended up pulling his elbow out of it's socket. Something they call nursemaid's elbow. My husband picks him up because our kid immediatly screamed momma repeatedly to him. So i turn at this point as I hear my child's cry. The cry that something is not right, but confused because I left my happy energetic child just minutes ago and nothing was amiss. My husband gets to the pew and immediately I took our three yr old in my lap. He calmed down after a minute, but refused to leave my arms and wanted his back tickled the entire time Mass went on. In my heart I knew something wemt wrong, but during Mass it is hard to have a convo about what happened.
After Mass getting our kid into the car seat I could tell was pure torture, but there was no swelling, just when he moved his arm at all it hurt him. He refused to hold his all time favorite snack, doughnuts, in his injured arm. Waiting for the on call nurse to tell us what to do was torture. I knew as guilty as I was feeling for going ahead of the family, my husband was feeling way worse since he jeld his hand when our child injured himself. Waiting in the E.R. was not easy either. Having three doctors come in to do his physcal exam was unnerving, and both my kid and I were unprepared for how quickly they popped his elbow into place. I mean I get why they did it fast for the element of surprise, but the scream that came out of my son when it was popped back in was truely heart wrenching. After they popped his elbow back in and my son had calmed down he looked at all of us and said "I'm sorry." Ofcourse it made the doctors all laugh, but it just made my heart hurt a little more because had I just stayed with him than we would not have been in this mess in the first place. Thank goodness it was an immediate fix though because not five minutes later our child was ready to explore the room we were in and jumping up and down because his arm was better.
Mom-guilt. We all have it at some point or another. I have yet to meet a mom who has not known this feeling personally. Not sure I want to either because I would be worried about her sanity level. What is most important to remember is motherhood is a constant learning experience. Getting up and trying our best is honestly what our kids are grateful for the most. It is ok to feel those feelings of guilt every so often, but we should akwaus try to give those feelings up to God and then move forward. The not letting go of the guilt is what will slow us and our relationship with our families down and we do not want that to happen.
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